Lee HammondHi… I’m Lee Hammond and welcome to the fourth of my new series of ASK ‘AMMO ? You can ask me anything you like about the game of football.

This week’s letter is from Has-been striker Gary Reay and Gary ask’s…….

Lee…I have not played for ten weeks and as a result I am struggling to get into my shorts! You look great in your kit and I was wondering if you had any tips to help me look as good as you?

Well thanks for the letter Gary….Some might say you have not played for ten years never mind ten weeks but I don’t subscribe to that theory. Your record of fourteen ‘ Golden High Heels’ may never be broken but the fact remains that you are a Fat Baldy Bas*#rd.

If you want to look as good as me in my kit get a pair of White boots for a starter…then…get on the beds like that Fruit Craig Donaghy and finally….start knocking round with Brunty. He gets chased by that many Puffs the weight will fly off !