Par3703557Over the last few weeks Mick Stephens has conducted a series of one-to-one interviews with the legend that is Ian Brunt. In them we reveal a fascinating insight into the mind of a superstar, what makes him tick? what drives him on ? At times these meetings often ended in violence and more than once the Police were called. On conclusion of these interviews we were forced to sign a confidentiality clause by Brunts lawyers. This I do not recognise and here are those interviews in full.

In part III of the series Brunty is about to be crowned European Footballer of the Year but is leaving his transfer request to Louis Spence, who is his Agent and P.A. He is last seen entering the toilets of Heathrow Airport on route to Paris for the awards ceremony. He is rotten drunk and emotional. Binksy has gone missing with Louis and they are nowhere to be seen. Stevo follows Brunty into the Bogs……

M.S.- Oi ! Sh*t house!
I.B.- (turns his head) Oh Sh*t ! what are you doing here ?
M.S.- I’m here to kick your fu*kin’ head in you Tart !

With that Brunty legs it…but there is only one way to go….into the bogs ! As I catch up with him…….
I.B.- Don’t hit me Stevo….Not the face…not the face….I’m sorry, I’m sorry it was Louis’ idea……

Just then there is grunting and groaning coming from the cubicle behind us…seconds later the cubicle opens and Louis and Binksy emerge flustered and doing up their clothes.

L.S.- Hiiiii guy’s!…. Ian…. I think we’re gonna drop that transfer request ‘cos Binksy is a Wiiiiiiildman !
M.S.- Right Louis….I want the rest of that interview when he gets the Ballon d’Or
L.S.- Sure thing Big boy !
M.S.- Binks….Are you o.k ?
B.X..- F#ck off…..I don’t want to talk about it !

Binksy walks off like John Wayne after taking one for the team. Brunty is back on board!
Brunty and Louis invite Binksy and I onto their table for the Ballon d’Or ceremony that night and promise me unrestricted access to the proceedings that see Brunty crowned European Footballer of the Year.
On our table….:- Brunty; Louis; Stevo; Binksy (standing up) David Ginola; Gabriel Batistuta and David Beckham…….

I.B.- Oi…Becks!…Pass us the Champers over lad !
D.B.- Sure thing Ian….
D.G.- Ian….Do you not think you ‘ave ‘ad enough? ee haugh! ee haugh! ee haugh!
I.B.- Fu#k off you! long haired French ponce! It’s my night and I’ll have as much as I want!
D.G.- l’homme est un imbecile !
I.B.- ‘Ave a look at my hair you tw#t ! It’s because I’m worth it ! Oi ! Batistuta…. you greasy haired cu#t…Lend us some grease ? Ha Ha!

Brunty is slaughtered and is mouthing off to all around him.

I.B.- I’m gonna find Platini and tell him that he’s a W#nker !
M.S.- Don’t be soft…He’s on stage about to give you The Ballon d’Or !
I.B.- Oh…Oh Yeah. So he is.

Platini calls out the result in reverse order….

M.P.- In 3rd place …Christiano Ronaldo…….In 2nd place…Lionel Messi….. and in 1st place……. Ian Brunt……

Brunty legs it up onto the stage and trips up on the red carpet and falls head first into the podium with the Ballon d’Or toppling off onto Platini’s big toe !

M.P.- Arrrrghhhhh ! You stupid fat headed fu#ker ! Fu#k off back to your table and take this with you…..

Platini hurls the Ballon d’Or at Brunty and he in turn heads it and it smashes into a thousand pieces onto the floor right in front of Platini.

Platini calls for Security and Brunty is thrown out… Batistuta and Ginola are waving sarcastically to our hero as he is ejected.

I.B.- I’ll have you two long haired fu#ker’s… Louis c’mon…we’re outa here.
L.S.- Speak for yourself Darling…I’m with Binksy !
I.B.- Stevo ?
M.S.- I’m with Becks, Dava and ‘Batigol’. See you later !

Part 4 of The Brunty Interviews next month.
Brunty wanders the streets of Paris and runs into lumber with P.S.G. fans. Stevo and Brunty fight on the Eurostar.